Superheros
by Sresian
Summary: Crack fics about the crew of Atlantis and how they all secretly consider themselves superheros some sidekicks.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Just so everyone knows, I'm writing this after only seeing the first season of SGA and the first few episodes of season 2. This is only CRACK, so don't take anything seriously, it's not meant to be. This is a small series and I'll be writing one every week, hopefully, until I have most of the main characters covered. This first one takes place before Ford's near-death experience with the Wraith.

John Sheppard was a simple Major in the military, flying helicopters, until he'd had to fly General Jack O'Neill to the Atlantis HQ down in Antarctica. It was there that he discovered his amazing Atlantian background and his gene that could more effectively activate Atlantian weapons and equipment than anyone else already going to Atlantis. It was an accident really, just like any superhero accident. He'd sat down in a chair. How was he to know that when he sat down there that he would be turned into…

JOHN THE ADVENTUROUS!

Yes, he could now officially be considered a super hero. After sitting down in said chair, John was amazed to find he could control the Atlantian artifact better than anyone else on Earth. And with that, John assumed his name. Well, maybe only in his mind…but it was there none the less.

After that, John went traveling around to other places with his sidekick, Ford the Mighty, to find a Zero Point Module for Rodney (yet another Super Hero among the Atlantis crew). With his security gun at the ready and Ford the Mighty ready to explode anything that might get in their way…they could take on anyone.

Including Larry the Wraith.

Now, we've all heard of Steve the Wraith, because well, John named him such. And since John had become a super hero, he felt that he had earned the right to name the bad guys as well. Larry the Wraith was worse than Steve had ever been. Mainly because Steve was hungry, while Larry was just pissed…

When John the Adventurous and Ford the Mighty first came to M3X-963, they had simply been going for the zero point module, but they ran into trouble, as they always did. They met up with a stray Wraith. He'd been left there to die, but thankfully for him, there was a small village here that had never heard of the Wraith, so knew not what to do when people started to disappear. Not so thankfully for John and Ford, the Wraith had just eaten when they'd run into him. And upon seeing them arrive in their ship, decided to steal said ship.

John the Adventurous was not so happy to hear that. It was HIS Jumper! He flew it, and he needed it to be the Super Hero that he was! No! Larry the Wraith (as he started to think of him as) could **not **have his Jumper!

Larry was angry. Larry decided that it would be best to go after the sidekick first and almost got a hold of Ford the Mighty before John the Adventurous distracted him with his amazing security gun. And as soon as Larry turned to kill John, Ford, being the great sidekick he was, threw a lovely grenade that promptly blew Larry to pieces.

John the Adventurous, as he continued to call himself, was happy with being a Super Hero.


	2. Chapter 2

Rodney McKay was one of the first picks for the revolutionary trip to Atlantis, home to the ever-famous (to him anyways) Ancients. He wasn't a superhero who had amazing, unbelievable powers of strength and heated vision. But he _was_a superhero. Or so he told himself. He was Rodney the Brilliant.

Much like Batman, he used his brain over brawn. It never hurt to be in shape, he told himself, but he'd much rather think himself out of trouble unlike that reckless Colonel Sheppard who simply blundered his way through life and death.

But he was like Sheppard in one way. He had a trusty sidekick who seemed to never leave his side. Radek Zelenka was his somewhat faithful sidekick whom he referred to as Zelenka, The Not-Completely-Stupid. Whenever Rodney needed help, which was never as anyone smart would know, Zelenka was there to throw around bad suggestions that might trigger a good one from Rodney himself.

Like the one time when Rodney had been exploring a new portion of the city and had discovered a room that was covered in what looked like a road map that any normal human would use to find his way to a different city. However, it didn't look even remotely familiar to anywhere Rodney had been, including the multitudes of planets that they'd visited since coming through the Stargate so long ago.

So like a good superhero, he called upon his sidekick to help him with figuring the road map out. After throwing several incredibly horrid ideas around about what the map was of, Zelenka mentioned that it would be nice if it were something useful like a map of Stargates.

Of course, Rodney, being brilliant as he was, had already looked into that, and discovered that it couldn't be. There were too many points that weren't there in real space and too many that were there that weren't mapped. But then, as often happens with Rodney, he realized that it had been over 10,000 years since this had been mapped! Naturally, many Stargates had been moved or destroyed since the map had been made. Rodney explained to Radek, who was not completely stupid, and they called down Dr. Weir. Even though some of the gates no longer existed, the map proved to be extremely useful.

Just another adventure of Rodney the Brilliant and Zelenka the Not-Completely-Stupid.


End file.
